Sleep training...right

I am in denial. In my mind it is OK that my 7...almost 8 month old son still does not sleep through the night. In my mind, it is better that he now only nurses at 2am and 5am instead of every 2 hours. It is better, but it is still not good. He should be sleeping through the night.

I can't help but wonder if it's me. Am I indulging his middle-0f-the-night feeding habit out of guilt? I know that I am guilty that I am away from him for 11 hours every day. I know that I feel guilty and a bit mournful that he may be my last child (would love another, but I need to sleep!). I'm worried that I don't pump as much at work anymore - in the back of my mind, I think that I am frantically nursing at all hours of the night to maintain my milk supply out of my obsessive need to nurse for the fully "recommended" 12 months. I do enjoy the closeness...but both of us really need to sleep through the night (I'd say all 3 of us, but my husband has slept through the night basically from day one, bless his heart)

Tonight I may let him cry it out all night...maybe

Or maybe I'll wait until Thursday. Yeah....we can wait a few more days

Blessings

Somehow in the day-to-day shuffle of getting kids dressed/dressing myself/cramming breakfast down everyone's throat/running for the 7:32am train/booking myself so tightly at work that I don't have time to pee, so that I can/run at a flat sprint to catch the last train that gets me to the daycare before closing time...I forget why I do all of this.

I love my kids. I love my husband. I can pay my bills. I have a safe and welcoming home. We have wonderful neighbors. We have a loving, connected family. My husband is a wonderful man. My children are healthy, bright, inquisitive little lunatics.

So, instead of running through my day to set up for the next, I'm going to lean against the counter and have a cup of coffee. And remember...my life is awesome.

Crying

Sleep training...hard stuff. I tried to do a half-way job, and it's officially biting me in the butt. With Little Angel, we waited a very long time because he was so small (8 weeks premature). The doctor told us at 6 month that we could let him cry it out, but I was so concerned about him gaining/keeping weight, that I would nurse him whenever he made a peep. Given that Victor just turned 7 months and is over 20 pounds, clearly weight is not the issue, but this time it's about waking Angel up. Whenever Victor makes a sound, we rush to get him so as not to disturb Little Angel's sleep (since it took us almost 2 years to get HIM to sleep through the night).

So, we "started" about 2 weeks ago. I would let Victor nurse until he was sleepy, then put him in the bed and let him cry. He would only cry for about 10 minutes then drift off to sleep. He would sleep well from about 8:30 to 1 or 2. I would nurse him again, then bring him into our bed around 5 to get that last hour of sleep. I know, it was counterintuitive, but in my mind it made sense (just to get a little more sleep). So, tonight I finally bit the bullet and let him cry. And BOY did he cry...let me break it down for you: 8-9 Nurse (I know I'm not supposed to nurse right before he goes to sleep because then he associates nursing with sleeping...), sleep 9-11:45. Cry 11:45-3:37. Sleep 3:37-4:30. Nurse 4:30-5. Cry 5-5:38. No, wait...he's crying again

I slept from 11:15 to 11:45 last night. I have officially reached my breaking point. I guess I might as well go whole hog and put him down tonight without the pre-pillow nursing session.

Pray for me...