Too much to lose

As I reflect upon my life, I find that as the years go by I've become more times timid. When I was in high school, I had NO FEAR. I knew what I wanted, and I went out and got it. There was no question in my mind - if I wanted it, I would have it. The thought of failure never even occurred to me. College was more of the same...go to school, get the degree you need to get the job you want. I went into every interview KNOWING that I was the best. Graduate school was not much different...I took a bit longer to make decisions, because there was a bit more at stake, but once the decision was made I existed as if there was never any other possible choice. Of COURSE I had chosen the right path.

Now I'm older. I have 2 children, a mortgage and bills to pay. At the point in my career and life when I should be the most confident about my abilities, I am questioning everything. Am I good enough at my job? Am I good enough as a mom? Am I good enough as a wife? Am I a good friend (I never even have time to talk to my friends!)? Am I a good sister? Am I a good daughter? Am I a good person?

Maybe it's because only now does any of it really matter. I have a family - they depend on me and I want the best for them. I toil over every decision because every decision means so much...a wrong move could cost us our future.

Maybe I'm over thinking it. Maybe now is the time to be bold. Not reckless, but confident. I have paid my dues. I have studied...hard. I have ass off. Now I'm old enough to know that I don't have all of the answers. But I'm also old enough to know that I was smart enough to get this far. I might not be the best at everything, but I am damned good. I might not bet the farm every time, but I can take a risk. And I can go for the Hail Mary pass. I'll land on my feet. And I know that I have a strong support system...especially my amazing catch me if I fall.

And even if I do fall, I'll get up. I always do.

Good to see you again, Sherice. It's been a while. Welcome back, BadAssMama!