Myth of the empty inbox

1 comment
I just figured it out. Before I had kids (a house, a husband, a bigger job, etc), I really COULD get everything done. I could focus for hours on end, get through my to do list and sleep until noon on Saturdays.

Those days are over. I just haven't accepted that yet.

THAT'S what's been eating at me. I keep thinking that if I JUST start my day a little earlier, (how is that possible when the wake-up-siren a.k.a. Victor starts waling around 4:30 each morning), stay at work a little longer, finish some errands after the kids go to bed, during naptime on the weekends, I can get through the list.

That's crap.

I will NEVER get through the list, because the list expands as soon as an item is checked off. There's the work list, the kid list, the house list, the friend list, the parent list, the siblings list, the outside-of-work networking list, the marathon list, the diet list, the things-I-should-really-get-ahead-of list and the me list (please note, NOTHING ever gets done on THAT list).

I got home from a business trip last night around 11. Took a shower, cleaned up a bit (really, why should I expect everything to be in order after I've been on a round trip flight for 15 hours), and got in the bed by 11:30. Then the racing began. I began to plot out all the things I needed to get done today, which order would be the most efficient in which to complete them, how I would set up for Saturday and Sunday's tasks and trying to plan ahead for family visits in the next 3 weeks. Then I began to cry.

So I began to pray.

As I prayed about my overwhelming to-do list, I realized that it was bourne from an abundance of blessings. NOTHING on my list had to do with something bad. I was busy caring for a full, happy and abundant life. A job that I genuinely enjoy, that provides for my family AND gives me the flexibility to actually spend time with them (if I weren't so busy trying to check things off my "to do" list!). Two happy, healthy, beautiful, intelligent, inquisitive, chatty and VERY active boys. A husband who is a true partner, lover, best friend, soul mate. A large extended family who have been my inspiration and support system in everything that I do. Outside interests that keep me healthy and sane. Friends who have been there for me every step of the way.

Yes, my life is very busy. My to-do list overflows because my cup is overflowing with and abundant life. I'm not any less busy, but now I can appreciate that the things that keep me busy are a blessing, not a chore. And I will NEVER get all of it done. I'm not ready to accept that concept quite yet, but I'm getting there.

I'm also (gulp) coming to accept that despite my best efforts to prove otherwise, I am indeed only human. I need sleep. I need food. I need moments of peace and stillness in my day. I haven't had enough of any of these things in a really long time.

So, I'm going back to bed...
tfab said...

This is wonderfully written!! Although you many need 12-steps to get you off of your crack-like To-Do addiction!!!

Post a Comment