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I like logic.

Don't get me wrong - I'm a very empathetic person. I do the whole organizational behavior, understanding different working and communication styles thing very well. I can understand behavior fueled by emotion. I can understand behavior fueled by ulterior motives. I can pretty much cut through the bull and see the motivation behind most people's behavior and try to find the best way to deal with them on their own level.

And then there is my 3 year old.

There is NO LOGIC to his temper tantrums. Yes, I guess TECHNICALLY he is acting out because he isn't getting something that he wants, but you would think that the world was ending. When this kid goes off, he goes off.

At first I thought it was just a phase and it would pass. The terrible twos. The terrible threes.

Then I get "the talk" at school today...

When Angel started to have lots of temper tantrums, I mentioned that I might call the psychologist at NYU since they tracked him for 2 years after he was checked out of the NICU. The school told me that they were sure it was not that serious.

I guess his behavior this week changed their minds.

As I was dropping off the kids with seconds to spare before missing my train (what else is new), one of the teachers casually asked if I had ever seen the psychologist. When I said no, her response was something along the lines of, "Well, maybe you should go see them. He's still young and..." This was followed by references to early intervention and attention something-or-other. After the shock of "Maybe you should go see them," it all kind of sounded like Charlie Brown grown-up talk.

My first reaction was pure rage. How the hell are you going to drop a bomb like THAT on me as I'm running to catch my train? This is not a 5 second conversation at the door. This is a let's-sit-down-and-talk-about-your-child's-future-after-school type of conversation.

But, rage wasn't going to help my kid. After I calmed down (and no, I did not yell at anyone...for those of you who know don't know me that well, understand that this is TRULY an accomplishment), I went from rage to fear. What if something was wrong? What if we were finally seeing an impact of the prematurity, and it was a developmental rather than a physical delay? Then guilt - it was MY fault. If I would have caught the pre-eclampsia earlier, he wouldn't have been born prematurely and none of this would be happening. Is it because I yell too much, scold too much, work too much, don't spend enough time playing....Then, I snapped out of it and made a plan.

I got in touch with NYU and am waiting to set an appointment for an evaluation.

He may just be three. It may be something more. I can hypothesize all I want, but I won't feel better until I have an answer.

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