Confessions of a BadAssMama

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Sometimes I like being a mother in theory more than reality.

Let me explain...

For the majority of my life, when I imagined my future I did not see a husband or kids in the picture. And I wasn't sad about it. I was an aggressively ambitious kid-into-young-and-not-so-young adulthood, and when I imagined my happy ending it included a corner office, penthouse suite and very expensive shoes. A lot of them...

Fast forward to 1999. I meet the man of my dreams and he goes and RUINS the single girl part of my vision. Handily. Neatly. Quickly. Well, not so quickly. After so many years imagining a future happily single, it took a bit of time to settle into the whole idea of 'til death do us part-hood. But, slowly but surely, I fell in love and marriage with children seemed like the natural next step.

When my children were born, I fell in love all over again - an almost scary, sacred, overwhelming type of love that I never imagined was possible. Through the sleepless nights and health scares, tantrums and triumphs my tiny assassins made my world complete. We were a family, and I was happy.

And I still am.

Except when I'm not.

Sometimes, I just want to be alone. COMPLETELY alone. No husband, no kids, no relatives, no girlfriends, no neighbors. I crave the companionship of me, myself and I - in a quiet room, in a clean house, sitting on the couch with a cup of hot chocolate or a good glass of wine doing absolutely NOTHING. And loving every minute of it.

Don't get me wrong, I love my family and would not ever want to live in a world without them. But sometimes, just for a few hours, I'd like to take a break from my life. To be still, quiet and alone. To do nothing, think about nothing, plan for nothing and prepare for nothing. To worry about no one but myself and be responsible for nothing whatsoever.

Sometimes, I need a vacation from being a mom...

That is my confession. Not pretty, but always real.

Yours truly - The BadAssMama
Jamie said...

I discovered your blog through a work event. I love reading it. Love your honesty and willingness to say what others think but are afraid to say for fear of judgement by others. Keep being real BadAssMama!

HELEN said...

Too funny. Change the date from 1999 to 1995 and this too is my story. My only saving grace is that my son is now 12 so I can leave my children home alone for a few hours. I don't have a problem spending time alone because I like my own company. Hopefully with the next year, I will get more ME time.

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