I Suck

Have you ever had one of those days where you feel completely overwhelmed and woefully under-qualified to be a parent?

Well, I'm having one of those days.

It was not a particularly remarkable day. True, it is day-two-of-a-three-day-weekend and my children always seem to open up a special can of whoop-ass for mommy and daddy on day-two-of-a-three-day-weekend. But, remarkably, I approached the holiday with an uncharacteristic amount of calm. Rather than setting myself up for failure with unrealistic expectations of arts and crafts or family sing-a-longs, I decided to go with the flow. I actually gave no thought whatsoever to what we might do over the weekend.

We enjoyed an impromptu kid-friendly-pre-birthday-party with a dear friend and several other families with kids in the preschool set on Saturday. Sunday started off well enough. We managed to let Hurricane Victor cry it out until 6:15, then began the day slowly. After church, we jumped in the car for an impromptu trip to one of the many museums in the city. After hitting the fifth full parking garage, it dawned on us. It is a holiday weekend.


Ever optimistic, we soldiered on. After finding a parking lot, we made our way down the block to the museum only to face a wall of people upon entrance.

Double shit.

Long story short, the entire day was alternatively too bright or too loud (my children included). I felt powerless to improve the situation, and found myself yelling at more than playing with or heaven-forbid educating my kids.

When I really slow down to think about it, I don't think the day even started off as rosy as my selective memory initially recalled. Victor woke up at midnight AGAIN, and started whining at 4:30. I think I was simply too tired to actually get up and get him - thus leading to the whine-it-out-off-and-on-until-6:15 memory. Things didn't really improve much after we made it downstairs. The details are a blur, but for the majority of the morning I recall being irritable and generally annoyed with mankind overall - my kids included (perhaps, in particular). The swarming masses of humanity at the Museum of Natural History only served to push my annoyance into something approaching utter contempt (for mankind general, not my kids in particular).

Now, it is 8:09pm. The bulk of this evening involved whining, crying, door slamming, stomping and threatening (by kids and grown ups alike). My four-year-old is deep in the throes of his nightly fighting-sleep-at-all-costs ritual, and I am virtually certain that Victor will wake up at both midnight and 4:30am again. For the 17th night in a row (but who's counting?).

And so, I fee completely overwhelmed and woefully under-qualified to be a parent. I am tense, irritated and utterly exhausted.

An at this very moment, I feel like I totally suck as a mom...
Anonymous said...

HAHAHAAAHAAA - OH THANK GOD IAM NOT ALONE!!!!! As I type I want to create a org. called Parent Protective Services. I made a blues song up called: "MOMMAS WORK AINT NEVA DONE" (lyrics shange daily, hourly sometimes by the minute -freestyle is the best :) and I'm dreaming of a bus or train that took run-a-way moms to freedom. So trust me ur doing GREAT at least you gave it the GOODMOMMA try!!!!!

Veggiecrocker said...

It happens. My 6 year old and I had a screaming match over whether he was actually trying to learn how to ride his bike without training wheels rather than falling on purpose because he was frustrated and wanted to give up. I think we have all had those well-intentioned outings that turned into the museum trip from Hades. You will feel much better when Victor starts to regularly sleep through the night. A good night's sleep is not to be under-appreciated.

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