Hopeless

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It is very easy for a mother of young children to lose hope. As a mom smack-dab-in-the-middle of the terrible-2's and what-the-f*ck 4's, I consider myself to be somewhat of an expert on the subject. Each day is accompanied with new joys, but also a seemingly endless supply of minor inconveniences and major headaches that make you wonder if you will ever see thre light at the end of the tunnel.

Let me use the last 3 weeks at BadAssMama Central as an example.

Over the past few weeks, Victor has decided that his new big-boy bed is "yucky" and takes every opportunity (usually between the hours of 2 and 4am) to remind us of this newfound fact. Often at the top of his lungs.

Over the past 2 years, Angel has developed a wicked case of seasonal allergies. This time of year is always rough, but this year has been a doozy (I guess after the long stretch of winter, all that tree pollen had extra time to hit the gym). There is the sneezing, coughing and constant clear flow of nastiness running out of his nose like a faucet. The combination of itchy eyes and insatiable cough wakes him roughly every 2 hours. Some nights, it's every hour on the hour until 4 am.

For the past week, the boys have taken shifts keeping Angel and I awake ALL NIGHT LONG. Angel will take the Monday/Wednesday/Friday shift - coughing on cue from 1am until sunrise. Victor clocks in on Tuesday/Thursday/Saturday with alternate bouts of screaming "I want mommy and daddy's bed", vomiting or breaking a fever (only to be miraculously cured of all symptoms or signs of sleep deprivation by 5:30am, when he declares that he is ready for Team Umizoomi).

They take Sunday off. Even tiny assassins believe in the sacred.



Now, for those of you who have come through to the other side or are blessed to have children that actually  sleep on a semi-regular basis, you're probably thinking - Hey! It's not that bad. Everyone is healthy. Your kids are relatively well behaved. They get along well with each other. Things could be SO much worse.

And you'd be right.

I know that it is a miracle that Angel made it through 35 days in the NICU after being born at 32 weeks with absolutely no physical or developmental delays. It is incredible that Victor has shown no symptoms of his sickle cell in almost a year. That we've found a preventative regiment that allows him to live his life like a normal kid (knock wood). I know all of these things. And I am truly grateful for them.

But I am exhausted.

I have not had more than 3 hours of sleep per night in the past 28 days. Some of it is caused by my kids. Some is self inflicted. Waiting for the cry in the night. The next emergency. The other shoe to drop.

I am telling you this, not to garner your sympathy or even concern, but because I know that I'm not the only one. There are times, when your kids are young and seem hell-bent on shortening your life expectancy, that you can feel hopeless. Like the tough times will never end. Like you would trade the joy of seeing their first step for a week of solid sleep.

Yes, the early years are hard. But I have to believe that they'll get better. So, this post is dedicated to all the moms of young kids - trying to make it through yet another sleepless night. The BadAssMama understands.

See you on the other side...
Ace's Lady said...

My daughter's father left our family when she was 17 months. The night she'd come home from visitation (every other weekend, at the time), she inevitably would have night terrors... every time... I thought I would go absolutely nuts before it was all over, but by age 3, she was over it. She's now 11 1/2yo, and the only time she gets them now are when she's so sick, she's running a fever of over 101. My point is: it'll get better. I swear!

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