Breathless

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Have you ever felt like you were drowning?

Not from anxiety or fear, but from a sense of being utterly and unmistakably overwhelmed? Chances are, if you're a mom, the answer is likely hell to the yes. Anyone who reads this blog with any degree of frequency knows that The BadAssMama suffers from chronic over-work and under-sleep. Despite my best intentions, I continue to keep a running to-do list in my head roughly the length of the Amazon River. Full time job, full time family, part time blogging, occassional exercising. Family, friends, laundry. Day care, nap time, play dates. Books, bed, bath. Lather, rinse, repeat.

Jeez, Louise. I need a drink...maybe two.

Seriously - send liquor. Now.

I've made a vow (more than once) to carve out time for myself on a daily basis. To pepper my playlist with ample amounts of me-time. Eh, not so much. There are just SO many things to get done. And my unique disablity is an ability to keep myself running from the moment I rise to the second I drop around midnight or so.

I am painfully aware that much of this is of my own doing. I have a thing about keeping my house in order. Advanced planning. Solving problems before they actually occur. While this skill set has allowed me to achieve in my professional life, it may very well kill me as a working mom. I need to learn to let things go. I'd really like to let some things go...

It's finally starting to catch up with me. I'm irritable, impatient and generally cranky on a regular basis. I don't think the general population is catching on quite yet. My husband is painfully aware of the issue.  My kids have developed the useful ability to simply ignore me when I scream like a banshee.

I have no snazzy comebacks. No new vows or lessons learned. I'm simply here to admit that I'm drowning and I really need to find a way to get some air.

If you have any ideas, I'd LOVE to hear them...
Tara aka The Young Mommy said...

Now I know I wrote a post just like this, but I didn't think I hit publish...but yet, here are my thoughts, all laid out. Know that you've got a kindred sister here!

Honestly, I have no advice other than to give yourself a "F*** it" week. I just came off one and it has been glorious! I did stuff when I felt like it, let the house get all "don't trip over the dirty clothes," and we ate take-out more often than not. *shrug* I needed the break before I dive back into the madness. Try it.

Hilary@BabyMooHoo said...

i've so, so been there. in fact, as i read this i am just beginning an 8-hour day of "me time" sans baby and husband. took the day off from work and sent the kid off to daycare so i can just do what i wanna do for a whole day. it's not something i can afford to do all the time, but it's essential for my sanity. good luck carving out some time for you.... & in the meantime liquor totally works. :)

Team Suzanne said...

I'm new to your blog, so I shouldn't presume to know you or your situation. So I'll stick to my own experience.

I was drowning too a while back--so much so that I couldn't work. I just hit a wall. I had to take two weeks of of work unplanned, and I basically shut down my entire personal and professional life. No email, no phone, no play dates, no dinner dates, no nothing. I cut out anything that wasn't absolutely essential, and have been slowly adding pieces back in, figuring I'll stop adding when I start to feel overwhelmed again.

There's a cost. A real one. My kids don't have as many play dates. I haven't seen some friends in two months. But, it was that stuff...or me.

The choices aren't easy--letting stuff go sucks. And, if you're like me, you won't do it until you HAVE TO. And I'm just saying--in my experience--there is a "have to" point. You can wear yourself down to the point where there no longer is any choice.

Here's hopin' you nail it in the ass before that...

Tracey - Just Another Mommy Blog said...

All I can suggest is what I use for my own life's mantra.

Life is not a race nor a competition. There is no moment where everything will be "done" or perfect or accomplished. Realizing that no one else is keeping score or, if they are, that they are not people I want to have as friends, allows me to just kick back with my glass of wine and watch sunsets with my husband, play baseball with my kids, and soak up as many of these fleeting, precious moments of life before this stage is over. Because it ends. Every stage ends. And mommyhood is a brief blink in our lives. I don't want to miss it because I was worried about the trivialities that society's pressures seems to bring.

Take a deep breath and think about what you'd be most grateful for, if you were told you had a week to live. And then focus on THAT.

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