Questioning my priorities

Nothing quite like a kid in the hospital to put your priorities in order.

Let me explain.

The past 9 months have been a blur of medical drama, career chaos and general upheaval in and around BadAssMama Central (um, and kind of all around the world given the whole terrorists/natural disasters/economic destruction thing we've got going). After the last round of personal and professional drama, I felt like we were finally turning a corner and getting back to what we call normal.

And then Victor's fever shot up to 103.

It started as a regular cold - that annoying croup-y cough that all the kids have this time of year. He came home from daycare with a low-grade fever on Tuesday, but continued to play, eat and generally terrorize the house like any other day. Until late Saturday night when the fever struck. When I saw his labored breathing, I knew that we weren't coming home any time soon. I had no idea that it would be almost a week.

For the next six days, I spent 22-hours a day inside the four walls of Victor's hospital room as he battled a nasty bout of pneumonia. After the three-day stint last summer for his first sickle cell crisis, I knew that I had to get out of the hospital for at least a stretch of time each day to maintain some semblance of sanity - and to keep on my game face for my little boy.

Friday afternoon, the doctors sent us home. After six-days on high alert, I felt my body begin to relax a bit (though I remained vigilant for any signs of labored breathing or fever). The brothers had a joyful reunion (until they began bickering about 2 hours later). Dinner, bath, books and bedtime followed by laundry and a late-night run to BJs Wholesale Club (since tumbleweeds were blowing through my cupboards).

Have you ever had the sneaking suspicion that it was time for a change in your life? Some people describe the feeling as God whispering in your ear. Well, what started as a whisper turned into an all out wake-the-hell-up-shout over the past week. Too much has happened in my life over the past 9 months to continue living on auto-pilot. It's time to question my priorities and build the life that I truly want to live.

In church today, the pastor said "Tell me your commitments, and I'll tell you where you'll be in 15 years." As I looked over the course of my every day, I realized that while my marriage and family are what matter most in my life, they are NOT where I expend the most time and energy. I spend the bulk of my time driving my career or trying to squeeze my ass into the "right sized" jeans. Now, don't get me wrong - I don't neglect my family, but far too often family time is wasted on to-do lists, schedules and just making it through until nap time.

No more.

It's time to wake up and put my time where my heart is. While my career and health are important to me, it's time to change the way I live. The BadAssMama is taking a close look at how she spends her time and making sure that it lines up with what matters most. 
Karen S said...

I had pneumonia 2 weeks ago and was stuck in my own bed for a week! It was a sign that I needed to slow down. I think we can all relate to this blog, even if you're not a parent. Thanks for sharing. I hope Victor is feeling better!

Robbie K said...

Glad he is out of the hospital and hope you can figure out what changes you need to make so you can spend more time doing what matters most.

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