...and then I got arrested

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My life is beginning to resemble a bad telenovela...except without the dramatic music and random sex.

Let me explain.

The BadAssMama is not prone to exaggeration. While I can veer into the realm of the dramatic at times (who me? NEVER!), the series of unfortunate events that have become of my life in the past 2 months is quite frankly becoming a bit tiresome. Truth be told, it's beginning to piss me off.

I have been MIA on the blog for a bit because I've just been trying to keep my head above water. I started off waiting for the other shoe to drop. Now I'm just pissed that I seem to have so many fucking pairs of shoes...

Come to think of it, I think I've shied away from writing because at this point I barely believe myself. First it was a new drama each week. It then escalated to several times per week and, for the past week - daily drama. Let's go through some of the highlights:


  • My boss and mentor leaves the company, followed by a major restructure
  • Minor surgery (yet again)
  • The early-winter-preschool-cough turns into pneumonia and a 6 night stay in the hospital for Victor
  • Little Angel gets pink eye
  • I get bronchitis
  • Victor gets pink eye
  • I get pink eye
  • Pink eye round 2 for Little A and Victor
  • Victor gets an ear infection and random traveling rash
  • Little Angel's mysterious cough returns
  • I lose my voice for 10 days
  • Someone hits my 4-day-old SUV 
Then, a light at the end of the tunnel. A long-planned trip to Puerto Rico to visit the in-laws for Thanksgiving. We go to the pediatrician to get the medical all clear (post random rashes, lingering coughs and ear infections). I take a trip to urgent care to make sure that the allegedly viral sinus/throat thing that has rendered me mute for over a week won't suddenly kill me on the plane. We pack our bags, load the car and head off to the airport for 8 days of 80 degree weather and some much needed relaxation while Abuela plays with the boys.

Right...

We get to the airport without incident and board the plane smoothly. After a minimal wait on the runway, the pilot informs us that we need to head back to the gate to check a small electrical issue. No worries - the kids are behaving and we have plenty of snacks. Victor falls asleep on his own and Little A plays quietly with his...I mean MY iPad. About an hour later, we're informed that the issue is corrected and we take off.

For about 45 minutes.

Then, I notice that the lights on the plane are flickering. That can't be good. 

The pilot gets on the PA to inform us that, unfortunately, it's not going to be a great flying day. The minor electrical problem is larger than they thought, so we are going to have to head back to JFK and change planes. The flight attendants cheerfully remind the folks in the exit row that their assistance may be needed in the event of an emergency (not exactly what you want to hear when traveling with small children...or at all). The pilot lets us know that the ground crew is well aware of the issue and, while all other systems are operating properly, there will be some fire engines and emergency crews waiting for us on the ground.

Putting on my best game face, I tell the boys that today is the BEST DAY EVER! We're going to see fire trucks AND get on a brand new plane. To which they reply, "AWESOME!" (their new phrase of choice). Angel and I exchange glances and do our best to keep calm for the boys. As promised, there are several fire trucks on the ground waiting for us, but we land without incident and board another plane within the hour. Ten hours into our three hour flight, we arrive in Puerto Rico. 

Perhaps we should have just turned around and gone home after we saw the fire trucks...

The next day was relatively uneventful. We toured Old San Juan and had an early pizza dinner in the hotel room since the boys were too hyped up to nap during the day. After bath and books, the boys went to sleep without incident and The Hubs and I settled down for what we hoped would be the start of our peaceful vacation.

Then the vomiting began.

Little A began to vomit around 1am Thanksgiving morning, and continued to do so for the next 36 hours. Other than the vomit, he actually was in good spirits and played or watched TV throughout most of Thanksgiving day. We hoped that it was a 24 bug, or just something he ate (since the rest of us were feeling fine). Around 10pm Thanksgiving night, we learned that we were wrong. Little A spiked a fever of 103 and Victor woke up saying that his belly was hurting.

Shit. 

By midnight, it was clear that all hell was once again breaking loose. Rather than face the prospect of an emergency room away from home, Angel and I agreed it was probably best that we head home (that's 2 days into our 8 day vacation, for anyone keeping score). I changed our tickets around 1am and had our bags re-packed by 2. By 5am, we were up and out the door by 6 for a 9am flight.

The flight was uneventful (thank God!). I'm guessing that was to prepare me for the fun that would await once we arrived home. We were back at BadAssMama Central within an hour, at which point my husband dropped like a rock. While I took the boys for a cruise on the trusted nap route, Angel entered what I can only imagine to be the first circle of hell. He stayed in bed from roughly 2pm until 9am the next morning...

So, for the past 3 days I have been literally surrounded by vomit and liqui-poo. I'm pretty sure that I'm sick as well, but I can't afford to succumb because heaven help us if both adults are incapacitated. My house is officially a hot zone, and I'm pretty certain that I'll be arrested (or at least be placed on a no-fly list) for bringing some version of the ebola virus onto an airplane. 

Oh, and today the traction control went out on my 9 day old truck. 

Really, I don't blame you if you don't believe me. I barely believe this shit myself...
Courtney said...

Good grief woman. After reading this, I just want to buy you a cocktail.

Anonymous said...

may god bless you, b/c children as much delight they are , are also, good at making life appear totally disabled, to the point, of will I live though these years, yes you will, and you will be missing, the kids when they grow up, but not the problems, if you are able yo live though it,

Anonymous said...

Dear sherice,

It is inevitable that trouble will face us in our natural life. You are God sent! The problems will pass. Your legacy of love kindness and community service makes you and icon! May god bless!

Anonymous said...

Girl I feel your pain! Not in Puerto Rico, but similar illnesses and such all when my husband deployed to Iraq last year. Ear infections, pink eye, (yes I got it too), ear tubes, unexplained rashes (who knew hives could take up half of your child's leg!). Then he got home and I thought all was right with the world until he was the one who brought home "ebola" and we all got it. BUT we all did live through it and you will too. I really feel for you and hope that you all feel better soon.

Anonymous said...

I am sending you virtual hugs...It can be rough, but God made us able to endure a multitude of things, and where we feel that we have reached our limit, God is there to carry us the rest of the way. I have walked in your shoes and in continually reading your post, I can assure you that you are not alone (if that helps any). It will all be alright... peace and love my sister...peace and love

Pamela D. Hart said...

Oh my goodness! It's just so hard when we're sick at the same time our kids are. I always said that when we had kids, we moms should never get sick again.

You've had a heck of a time the last month. I hope you all start feeling better and whatever crappy cloud is floating around dissipates.

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