Top 10 Things My Kids Will Likely Say in Therapy

Take an imperfect person with her own baggage. Mix in nine months of out-of-control hormones, years of sleep deprivation and no formal training. What do you get? Your average mother - and the perfect recipe for years of therapy.

I don't know what's on YOUR list, but here are the top ten things that my kids are likely to say when they hit the therapist's couch years from now:

10. For years I actually thought that MY name was Jesus Christ

9. I still can't seem to fall asleep without the sound of someone screaming at me to be quiet and just go to bed already...

8. Once I realized that "Mommy juice" was actually liquor, I began to suspect that there was a problem

7. ...and that's why I'm only attracted to women with unreasonably high standards

6. At first I thought that mom was really into fitness. Then I realized that she really went to Bikram Yoga just to get away from us for 90 minutes

5. If a girl doesn't yell at me, I just don't think that she REALLY cares...

4. At first I thought it was irritable bowel syndrome. Then I realized she would just lock herself in the bathroom to get a break

3. ...and that's when I realized that everyone does NOT call them boy boobies

2. I still start twitching every time I hear someone say, "Look at me when I'm talking to you"

1. She may have been bat-shit crazy, but I always knew that my mom loved me and did everything she could to help me become the best person I could be...unless she made a deal with you years ago to get a percentage of my therapy bill under the table
Leah said...

I so relate..

Anonymous said...

Lol ..this just made my day .

The Empress said...

What a great idea for a MEME!! You should start one, it would be GREAT, and a HIT. I want you to do it..

The Empress said...


Robin said...

My kids would talk about how excited i was dropping them off at daycare/school/anywhere monday mornings. I thought mommy really liked her job, but really she was just excited about getting rid of us after the weekend.

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