Back-to-School Blues

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I love back-to-school season. Always have. And as my boys prepare to start "big boy" school, I am abuzz with excitement for the great memories and new adventures that await.

So why am I an f'ing mess?

The first signal was the ever-increasing-frequency of my "disagreements" with The Hubs (translation - I'm biting the poor man's head off on at least a daily basis). My patience is non-existent. My nerves are shot and I'm suddenly feeling fat, exhausted and unaccomplished.

To the untrained eye, these symptoms might be mistaken for PMS (possible, but unlikely). But, after spending some quality time with a top notch therapist I've learned that these are my early warning signs for the twin demons of depression and anxiety. My perfectionism kicks up a notch, everything gets on my nerves and I get the sinking feeling that no matter how much I seem to be accomplishing, I am woefully unprepared and under-qualified for any task at hand.

I'm not sad that my boys are growing up, or longing for the lazy-hazy-days-of-summer (any mother will tell you that the big chunks of unstructured time is enough to drive you crazy at least once per week). When I really slow down and think about it, I think it's about the change in routine. True, the school year is chock full of routine: Re-set kids bedtimes, pack lunches, morning marathon, drop off to school, dash to the train, meetings-meetings-meetings, dash back to the train, dinner, homework, piano, bath, books, bed. Lather, rinse, repeat.

But this year, the boys are starting a new school in a new town. My morning routine of dashing around the corner to daycare or nursery school is no more. I have to account for traffic, drop off for two (the same location will make it a bit easier, grant you), navigating a new train station and its own parking nightmares, new train schedule, etc. There's nothing terribly frightening about any of these things, but as any working mother knows a good routine can be a lifesaver. So when the routine that has pulled you through for nearly 6 years is about to change, that might be cause for a bit of panic.

In the end, I know that I'll make it through. There will be a few bumps in the road, missed train connections, late morning arrivals. Hopefully no more yelling than usual. But I'm giving myself a moment to mourn my beautifully orchestrated morning routine...

...and looking forward to settling into a new one. 
Becca@House Demolition Melbourne said...

When back to school is approaching I am more excited for my kids. I like to buy them new things for school, i think this is every Moms feelings.

CCinCali said...

Transitions can wreak havoc on our nerves. But, we are usually better off for having endured them. May your "new norm" fall into place soon, so that you are able to receive all the joy that is sure to come your way for the new school year.

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