Mama's Lost Her Mojo

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Hey there - remember me?

The BadAssMama has been MIA for the past week or so. Things have been a bit hectic with the busy-ness of Thanksgiving, entertaining the kids while they were home from school and dealing with a brutal case of food poisoning (nothing like a mystery stomach ailment to kick off the holiday season!).

But, to be honest, none of those things have really kept me from writing. The fact of the matter is, The BadAssMama has fallen into a bit of a funk. While this Cali girl does suffer from the winter blues around this time each year (12 years and counting, I STILL can't get used to Northeast chill), things seem to be hitting me a bit harder this year.

It's hard to believe it, but The BadAssMama feels like she's losing her mojo. The twinkle in my eye is becoming overshadowed by the ever-present dark circles that even my best Bobbi Brown is challenged to cover up. While I'm still kicking ass in the fitness department, the face I see in the mirror looks closer to my calendar age than the forever-27-year-old in my head. My days have become a lather-rinse-repeat of school drop off, rush to the train, meeting-meeting-meeting, rush to the train, eat dinner, pack lunches, bath, books, bed. Most nights I'm nodding off over my Kindle by 9pm.

So sad.

I've all but abandoned my Journey to a Year of Joy (gasp!) because I'm finding it hard to find to happy in every day moments. The fact is, I am simply overwhelmed with the responsibility of being me. Mother, wife, executive, coach, author, blogger, sister, daughter, cousin, friend. My laundry basket, rather than my cup runneth over these days. By the time I get through the basics of keeping my day job and my family running, I've simply run out of gas to do the things that keep ME going.

Ridiculous.

When it comes right down to it, I think that The BadAssMama has lost her passion. No, not the sex part  you dirty-thinkers (although life with two-under-the-age-of-six can suck the life out of that part as well).  But life in general. I'm stuck in the never-ending cycle of responsibility rather than enjoying life as it should be - as a grand adventure.

Like any good twelve-stepper will tell you, admitting the problem is half the battle. So, here goes: My name is The BadAssMama and I've lost my mojo. I would like to get it back, but I don't know where to start. I'm busy and tired...all the time. I've forgotten the things that used to make me happy and I fear that I'm beginning to lose my identity apart from my kids.

That's right. The mother in me has swallowed the rest of me.

I spend roughly 362 days each year focused on my kids. The Hubs and I spend a weekend away for our anniversary and I typically get a half day each on Mother's Day and my birthday to chill and do me. Around BadAssMama Central, date night is like the Loch Ness Monster - everyone talks about it, but there is no evidence that it actually exists. Most nights out sans-kids are related to work events or other social obligations. Apart from a glorious girls weekend 2 years ago, I haven't been away from my kids with the exception of a business trip for the past 6 years. Girls nights with local friends are few and far between because they are living the same life that I am!

I'm exhausted.

It's clear to me that I need some time to myself. To get back to the things that make me happy, just for me. Problem is, I have no idea how to do it. And even if I could find the time, what the hell would I do? It's been SO long since I've done anything just for me (with the exception of exercise and an occasional mani/pedi) that I don't even know where to start.

So, I'm here to ask for your help. What do YOU do when you lose your mojo? How do you keep from losing YOU in the midst of the crazy-busy-mommy life?


Dee Servance said...

My problem is with the anxiety disorder and ADD I lose my focus, especially if it's something I don't want to do. Putting out blog posts everyday is a challenge though because you have to keep coming up with something to say. And some days I've got nothing to say, I just want to crawl under the blanket. I think we put too much pressure on ourselves as bloggers and feel like we have to always do it. I've started taking Me Days where I try to reconnect with at least one thing that brings me joy. Doesn't have to be a whole day it could just be a few hours.

notexpectingtoomuch said...

After my second was born, I was afraid I would get sucked away by the crazy-busy mommy life. I called some friends and asked if they wanted to start a supper club. It's our commitment to ourselves and each other that our lives will be about more than work and the routines of home life. It's been 5 years and it's a blast!

Kelly H said...

Re-assess...re-think...re-organize...

Re-something cause you can't re-wind.

Nitty Gritty Momma

Everyday Empress said...

I completely understand the loosing yourself in the many, many daily responsibilities (I am in graduate school, have a one year old, work two part-time jobs, and have all the "normal" mommy and household duties). In fact for the first time ever (in almost 14 mos) my Lil Bit will be staying the night away from home with her Aunt and my parents at their house for Mom and Dad to go "see Santa" and have a date night. I know I should enjoy this because starting end of January there will be no such thing as date night when I start clinicals for my NP, but the guilt is another issue!

Anonymous said...

As a Mom who just sent the last kid to college, I commend you for being self aware enough to correctly identify this all too common occurrence. The well will dry up if not replenished and not only will you suffer, but your family will as well. If Moma ain't happy, nobody is.The solution requires an active, conscious choice to put aside at least 20 minutes a day for you. No matter what. If it means getting up a little earlier, then do it. Make your Bad Ass Morning Cup of Inspiration, light a candle, and write. Write about whatever.Switch it up. Gather in a basket your favorite rags and cut out beautiful pictures. Day dream. Breathe deeply. The only way through the chaos and back to you is finding the quietest corridor of your soul and visiting often. From there the sense of peace will sill over into your work and home life. Being able to be still and present in the moment, especially the crazy ones, will signal the return of your mojo. Good luck. Great blog, btw :)

Adela said...

I planned to say what Anonymous said, but my words were not near as beautiful. Wow. She just inspired a granny getting ready for Christmas.

One other thing, with all those balls in the air, I'm not sure you can possibly look inside yourself, without dropping something. I got tired just reading all that you do. Consider which of those many things you are doing can be delegated or deleted. That might make it easier to find the 20 minutes to look inward, and find out what nurturing your self needs.

Anonymous said...

We all feel this way sometimes (or a lot) (I hope).

Thank you for posting this.

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