Me time

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Exhilarated. Frightened. Exhausted. Cautious. Happy. Scared. Peaceful.

This is the roller coaster of emotions that I have been experiencing lately. Now that Victor is 1 and I have semi-weaned him (there's only but a few drops left in there, but it works in a pinch when he's cranky or when I just don't want to go downstairs yet at 5am). I feel like I can start to take back some time just for me.

First, I started to run on a regular basis. Then, since I didn't have to take in those extra 500 (which quickly became 700+) calories a day to nurse those last few pesky baby pound began to shed and I started to look like my old self again. My Kindle re-ignited my love of reading. My husband and I went on a few dates. I went out with some girlfriends and planned my first business trip without kids in over 3 years.

Then, I decided to start my own business. I'm not leaving my day job or anything, just a side hustle. Take my creativity, dedication, salesmanship (ok, ok this is a blog, not a cover letter) and apply it to something that benefits me and my family moreso than a major corporation.

Once I made this decision, I went through my standard wave of emotions. Excitement followed by fear, then rejection. As always, my husband has been there to back me up and remind me that this IS something that I've been wanting to do for a long time, and that I can do anything that I set my mind to.

So...once I get over myself I jump in. Here's my dilemma - for the past 3 years, I've put my children and my family above anything else, particularly myself. I go to work, rush home to feed, play and bathe them then prepare for school the next day. All of that is still there, but without the haze of extreme sleep deprivation (just regular sleep deprivation) I actually have time to think about (and act upon) my own ambitions.

Here's the kicker - I don't feel guilty about it. That's what scares me. I'm beginning to believe that it is OK for me to have a life and passions and ambitions in addition to and outside of my husband and children. I haven't done anything just for me in a really long time. Yes, this business will hopefully benefit my family - but it's about me. Fulfilling a dream of mine. Not my kids'. Not my husband's. Mine.

It's exhilarating. It's exciting. It's exhausting...and I'm ready.
Alana said...

Love it! Can't wait to see your success :)

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