Failure

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So, I didn't really want to write this post today. I told myself that I was too tired. I just wanted to forget about it. Just move on.

But... I can't, so here goes.

Today, I failed as a mother. My 3 year old is having some behavioral issues. Tantrums, spitting, that sort of thing. Initially, I thought that it was just a short phase that would pass. 8 weeks later, it seems like the new attitude is taking hold. And even worse...the baby is starting to mimic his behavior.

I check in with the day care every day to see if there's been any progress. Some days are good, others...not so much.

Last week, I thought that we'd gotten to the bottom of it. Sugar! Simple carbs! Damn you, it's YOUR fault that my son is beginning to resemble that chic from The Exorcist. So, we cut down on the white stuff. Cut out juice, substituted water and milk. Bought special vegan cookies from Whole Foods so that he wouldn't feel left out when the other kids had the occasional cookie. And by Friday, things seemed to take a turn.

And then there was today.

He got angry at morning snack time and threw his sippy cup...hitting another kid in the eye. It took him over 30 minutes to calm down (MY kid, not the one who got hit). He then proceeded to generally terrorize the whole school until naptime.

After nap, he was a bit better....or maybe he was just conserving energy for the massive tantrum that he threw when I came to pick him up. I don't want to go into any more details. Not because I'm embarrassed, but because you get the picture.

OK...that's not true. I am embarrassed. Not ashamed of my son's behavior, but ashamed of what it says about me. Did he act out because I had to rush to get into work this morning (after spending the day at home with both boys yesterday because they were in allergy hell)? Did he throw the cup because he was angry that I raised my voice at him? What does it say when my child is THAT kid in preschool (you know what I mean, "OMG, look at THAT kid!").

I can't help but wonder if I did a little more talking, a little less yelling, took a little more time if he would have a better outlet for his anger. Be able to better control his emotions. Not perfectly (he IS only 3), but not becoming a raging lunatic who's behavior stands out above all the other little lunatics in his class.

I was ashamed to post this, but that's what The BadAssMama Chronicles is about. Saying the things that no one talks about so that no other mother feels like she's the only one...like she's alone.

Still don't know what to do with all of this, but talking about it is a start.

Feeling slightly less BadAss, but still Angel and Victor's Mama...
Working Mama said...

Sherice - i totally know how you feel and you are not a bad momma, you are not failing your child, he's not the devil, etc. he's going through a phase which is hard...there's only so much 'reasoning' you can do with a three year old. i will say that this too shall pass! it will get better and he'll snuggle up to you and say you're the bestest mommy ever. liz rapelye

tfab said...

BadAssMama, thank you for speaking the truth that everyone is afraid to say. You are not failing. You are just part of the sisterhood of mothers whose kids throw temper tantrums in the grocery store, cry for hours on long flights, pull hair on playgrounds, pick & eat boogers in front of company, and every other version of childhood improprieties. Yes, you have joined the ranks of ALL mothers. Take a deep breath and try again tomorrow. That's what BadAssMamas do.

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