Confessions of a BadAssMama - Work Edition

I should not be as excited as I am to be back at work today.

Let me explain.

This was my first day back to work after the holiday break. After yet another small surgery (all good, thank you very much), I've been out of the office for about 3 weeks. The kids have been out of school for just under 2 weeks, with a combination of sick days and winter holidays. As excited as I was to have a good chunk of uninterrupted time with my family, I have to say it was fucking exhausting.

Don't get me wrong. I love going through mornings without the rush of getting 2 kids dressed, fed and out the door in time to make the 7:32 train. I really do enjoy watching my kids faces light up at new experiences. We went to the Radio City Christmas Spectacular for the first time, and Little A sat on the edge of his seat for the ENTIRE performance (Victor, on the other hand, promptly fell asleep after the second act - full orchestra and all...). I will forever cherish the looks of wonder in their eyes when we saw the humongous tree at Rockefeller Center, gigantic nutcrackers across from Radio City, and screamed "Christmas!" at every display up and down the streets of Manhattan. We went to the Children's Museum, Air and Space Museum, and took a road trip to the Please Touch Museum in Philly. We ate in restaurants in the middle of the week, had pajama days and screamed in delight when Abuela came to town for a special Christmas surprise.

Yes, it is wonderful to spend a big chunk of uninterrupted time with my kids. But it is fucking exhausting. The whining, the bickering, the constant soundtrack of "Mommy? Mommy? MOMMY!". True, the good times far outnumbered the bad, but as the days ticked on I couldn't help but pine for the first day back in the office. Yearn for the comforting routine of wake up, commute, work, commute, dinner, bath, books, bed.

This morning, I made the trip back to the office for the first time in nearly a month. I must admit, I loved it. OK, maybe LOVE is an overstatement but as the day wore on I was reminded just how much I truly do enjoy my work. There are everyday frustrations. I spent most of my day trying to connect the dots behind a multi-million dollar variance in first quarter sales results, dealing with the ramifications of a breached contract and revising a strategy to account for a sharp decline in consumer spending based upon on-going economic challenges.

It was all so geeky. I ADORED it.

I think it comes down to knowing who you are and accepting it. As Gretchen Rubin said in her wonderful book The Happiness Project, you can choose what you do, but you cannot choose what you LIKE to do. I like to go to work. I like analysis, coaching, presentations, dressing up in something other than sweatpants and peanut butter, combing my hair, carrying a purse instead of a diaper bag and considering accessories other than Power Rangers to go with my outfit.

I love being a mom. It is truly the most important thing I've ever done in my life. My children are making me a better person (and slowly driving me insane) on a daily basis. But I am good at my job. And I'm not ashamed to admit that I LIKE going to work.

OK - you can call ACS now...
Erika said...

I've said all winter break, "This is why I'm not or could ever be a SAHM." And I'm done apologizing for it. I'm not cut out for it, but that doesn't mean I don't love/appreciate/cherish my time with my boys. I like working.

Anonymous said...

Here here sista!!!!

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