More confessions of a BadAssMama...

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I love my kids. I do not love parenting.

Let me explain.

There is nothing better in life than walking into the door after a long day at work and hearing my boys scream, "MOMMY!!!" like tiny, deranged lunatics. I love the way they smell (well, most of the time). I love their smiles, their laughs, the way they are full of imagination and wonder and so much love for SO many things. I love the way they give my life dimension and reason and purpose. I love taking care of them, snuggling with them, reading to them, practicing piano, doing homework, watching them play together, learn new things, discover something amazing for the first time.

And then there is the day-to-day parenting.

I hate being responsible for the lives of two tiny humans. It is crushingly, impossibly overwhelming. I hate worrying about their future, their health, their dispositions, their behavior, their lack-of-self-control, their impulsiveness. I hate wondering if I am too hard on them, too easy on them, too present, too distant, too much. I hate whining, crying, teething, tantrums, growth spurts, birthday parties and picture day. I hate the smell of little boy pee at 4 in the morning. I hate washing clothes every day, screaming "JUST GO TO BED!" every night.  Trying to impose some semblance of order to the chaos that is life with two-under-the-age-of-six.

And I hate that before I know it, they will no longer be little boys with pot bellies who squeal like pigs when they laugh. I hate that far too soon, the sweet smell of pickly toes will be replaced by sweaty gym socks and football uniforms. I hate that my babies are growing up before my very eyes, and if I'm not careful I might let the day-to-day annoyances of parenthood blind me to the joys of being Angel and Victor's mommy...


blynn said...

Great post, you really hit home with that one. Thanks

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