Confessions of a BadAssMama - The Relapse Edition

Remember when I said that I was a "recovering perfectionist"?

Yeah, about that...

Apparently I am smack-dab-in-the-middle of a vicious, full on relapse. It's not the perfectionism that bothers me, per se. It's all the pesky symptoms that accompany it (kind of like those HORRIFYING prescription medication commercials that say a drug will help quiet your overactive bladder, but may make your face fall off...). Symptoms like:

  • Tension headaches
  • Shoulder and neck pain
  • Self doubt, accompanied by extreme self-criticism
  • Short temper
  • Insomnia
  • Loss of appetite, followed shortly by
  • Binge eating
  • Fits of Martha Stewart-like cleaning and organizing mania
  • Recurring nightmare that I did not graduate from college because I failed to turn in a final paper
  • Anxiety
  • Depression
  • General PMS-like symptoms
So, the perfectionism in and of itself is a walk in the park. It's all the crap that comes with it that's driving me bonkers. I think it might have something to do with my slightly-more-full-than-usual plate.

First, we have the back-to-school crazies. Victor's nursery school teacher came to visit this morning (what a sweet tradition! I really like her....). The visit was wonderful. Both Victor and Angel are excited for their new adventures at a new school. I dropped their paperwork and supplies off to the school office this morning (one week early, just like a good little book worm). Their personalized backpacks and lunch boxes should be here any day now (the superhero ones we bought earlier in the summer apparently violate the school's "anti-violence" policy...). I signed up to be class parent, blocked off time to attend the new parent tea and took off the majority of next week so that I could be there for drop off AND pick up at their new school.

I'm also entering a particularly busy season professionally. At my day job, I am at the tail end of budget season and preparing for a major partner meeting. So, in addition to the back-to-back-to-back meetings that make up my day-to-day existence, I am juggling drafts and re-writes of multiple presentations, re-negotiating a major deal while closing a series of renewals, finalizing my long range plans across three different and differently-challenges lines of business and formulating how to meet the multi-million dollar budget task that fell into my lap on Friday (fun!).

On the BadAssMama Enterprises front, I am in final prep mode for the fabulous and FREE Fashion's Night Out Event that I am hosting next Thursday with celebrity makeup artist and author, D'angelo Thompson (have you RSVP'd yet? It's going to be INCREDIBLE!). I'm drafting a presentation on Daring to Design YOUR Best Life for a national conference in mid-September, editing two separate book proposals and preparing to launch the next phase of my business plan (more on that later!).

Last, but not least, my parents are in town for the next 2 weeks helping to fill the gap between summer camp and back-to-school. They are a lifesaver. I truly don't know what I would do without them. I am enjoying having them here (I love my life on the East Coast, but miss my family terribly). I love watching the boys spend time with them and how my mom automatically jumps into mommy-mode and plans meals EVERY SINGLE DAY. Yet, in spite of all the joy that comes from having family in town, my pesky perfectionism compels me to jump around, silently screaming, "Look at me, mom! See what a good wife I am? Look at me, dad! See what a good mother I am?" Which often results in mood swings varying from utter euphoria to extreme bitchiness in roughly 3.5 seconds....

Some of you might be thinking, "What the HELL is wrong with you, woman? Of COURSE you're stressed. You're doing too damned much!" To that, I would reply, "Why, yes....yes I am". But, here's the thing. I'm enjoying all of it. It's like my dreams are coming true right before my eyes. The problem is not the amount of activity, it's my propensity to want to do it all RIGHT NOW and ABSOLUTELY PERFECTLY.

Like any addict, admitting that you have a problem is the first step - and that's where this blog is like heaven to me. Just the action of writing about my feelings and motivations have lifted a tremendous amount of weight off of my shoulders, and allowed me to re-focus my energy into what really matters: the fact that I am making steps toward creating the life of my dreams on ALL fronts. It's not going to be perfect. Hell, it may not even be pretty. But these are MY dreams.

And I refuse to let perfectionism turn them into a nightmare...

Southern Girl said...

Just take a deep breath and laugh at yourself from time to time. No need to not enjoy all of this, there are good things happening but being sane is better.

CCinCali said...

Relapse Edition? Really? I think this reads more like a Remix Edition instead. Remember when Puff Daddy would drop a track back in the 90's. Many thought it couldn't get any better than that. Then, he would hit us with the "Remix" and it would be even hotter than the original track. Well, Mrs. BadAss - It appears to be a "Remix" going on at BadAss Enterprises and you cannot allow such thoughts to overshadow all of your fabulosity. I'm with Southern Girl, you should laugh more...and I hope you get an opportunity to do just that at your upcoming FNO event.

CCinCali said...

Relapse Edition? Really? This reads more like a "Remix" edition. Remember when Puff Daddy would release a track and many didn't think it could get any better than that. Then, he would hit us with the "Remix" and it was hotter than the original version. Well, Mrs. BadAss, there appears to be a "Remix" underway at BadAss Enterprises and you can't allow self-destructive thoughts to overshadow any of your "Fabulousness". I'll echo Southern Girl - you have to laugh more and hopefully you'll get the chance to do just that at your upcoming, dare I say "Fabulous", FNO event.

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