Me 2.0

This haircut is just the gift that keeps on giving.

Let me explain.

It's kind of crazy how I'm rediscovering what the hair that actually grows out of my head feels like. How I am amazed every morning with a new revelation on its texture, temperament and form. If you missed the memo, a little over 2 months ago I cut my hair. A LOT. I went from 26 years of chemically relaxed hair to a short, natural cut. This afternoon, my beautician cut off the remainder of the straight part.

When I first saw my hair, I was shocked. It was so much shorter than I expected. I worried - what would my husband think? What would my MOM think? Do I look like a boy? After the gut reaction to focus on others passed, I noticed a calm rush over my being. I was enthralled with the look and feel of if - how each tiny hair formed a perfectly spring-like individual coil. How soft it felt as I ran my hands through it. How what I thought was the natural pattern of my hairline began to fill in after nearly 3 months with no relaxer.

On my last trip to LA, I had breakfast with a colleague who transitioned to natural hair just over 2 years ago. She explained to me how each section of her hair had its own shape and personality. The front of her hair was soft and wavy, while she called the section in the back an "Angry Black Girl". Now that all of the perm is gone from my mane, I too can see and feel the varied textures and tones of my hair. I'm amazed by its variety and elegance. It gives me pause that I spent so many years trying to tame its natural beauty - force it to assimilate.

In many ways, my newfound-hair-freedom is reflective of a greater transformation. After years of holding back my opinions for fear of not fitting in, refusal to experiment with fashion because I was not a cool kid, masking my full personality to appear more professional, I've finally come to a point in my life where I'm ready to claim every part that makes me ME. I am loud, opinionated, silly, rowdy, quirky, intelligent, wise, fashionable, and unique in every way. I will no longer apologize for being every part of who I am. And the more that I claim my authentic self, the more comfortable I become in my own skin.

It's funny - all of this self-love seems to coincide with a fresh momentum in my professional life and freedom in my journey of motherhood.

Life's hard enough. Don't fight against who you really are.

Welcome to BadAssMama 2.0...

bionicdee said...

Maybe one of these days I'll have the courage to do that too. I wear a wig to cover the bald spots I've made from pulling my hair out. I have an anxiety disorder called trichotillomania. And unless I put some oil in my hair I will sit there and run through it until I feel calmer. I'm in this stage where I don't want to use medication because I don't want to feel like I need them and can't find a solution to the anxiety myself. So I'm a work in progress, and I applaud you for being able to show your natural self.

CCinCali said...

Tres Chic! I've been perm-free for 20+ years and haven't looked back. I recall the transformation being difficult looking at my limp hair suffer through so much breakage as my LA beautician worked a miracle on me. Today, my hair is longer and stronger than ever before. I learned to press to keep the professional look in tact. However, I think the biggest takeaway has been how much of a timesaver it has been - no more being held hostage at the beauty salon for hours on end. Best of luck with your new do!

Veronica said...

First of all let me say that I love your hair! Second, I swear you might be my long lost bestie because everytime I come to your blog (not as often as I'd like), it's like we're on the same page with life! As a mom and wife who originated from the South, I recently realized that I was spending way too much time worried about others and now I feel like I have found my mojo! I'm free to be me and I really don't care what others think about it. Love your new 'do and your new attitude.
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